Upon learning that we were "Engaged" our good friend Denni immediately wanted us to write something for our temple's monthly newsletter - The Temple Voice.  After some procrastination, the following article in the style of Dear Abbey was submitted:

 

        A recent clipping from “Dear Bobby”

        Jackson Cilly Patriot, 1/14/01

TEMPLE MEMBERS TO wED 

Dear Bobby,

Recently two of the members of my temple announced their engagement to marry: Robert Reizner and Maryann O’Coin.  We are happy for them, but they have been dating for about 15 years. Mazel Tov, but I’m wondering why now?  Curious in Jackson.

Dear Curious,

You are in luck! I know Mare and Bob very well and can fill you in on at least some of their story.  In fact if not for Temple Beth Israel they would have never met. Former members, Dean and Cheryl Rieger brought them together ostensibly for a game of Trivial Pursuits, (I’m told the women won) in 1985. Mare was not pleased about being “set up”, but things evolved anyway.

Despite meeting in Jackson, they both lived in Ann Arbor.  Bob was starting a law practice and Maryann was a physician’s assistant for the Department of Corrections.  Looking for some stability - after her rented home was sold out from under her - Mare purchased a house in Ypsilanti in 1988.  Bob joined her in housekeeping, (and lawns, car maintenance and occasionally laundry) two years later. Together they have more or less rebuilt the house one appliance or wall removal at a time.

Mare is the only one of her seven siblings to move more than a few minutes from her mother’s home in Rockville, Connecticut.  She and Bob made semi-annual trips to New England where Bob was welcomed as Maryann’s boyfriend. Over the years he grew into the family, albeit as an “out” as opposed to “in”law.

Alice and Bernie Reizner have always wanted a daughter. At least that’s what they told Bob for . . .  about thirty years.  Maryann was included in this Mid-West family and shared in events such as the passing of Bernie’s mother, (Bubbie Reizner said that she liked Maryann more than Bob, but I think she was just “putting in her oar”).  Maryann went on the annual SeptemberFest excursions, including Vermont, Hawaii, New Mexico and most notably this year France.

  Bob and Mare share many interests and appear contented, but were not married.  Well-placed sources confirm that she would have said yes, but he hadn’t asked.  Thirty years of dodging “the question” is a lot of practice, don’t you think?  So, what changed? Why now?  Believe it or not the answer has to do with Temple Beth Israel, at least in part.

In the course of their long relationship, Maryann reconnected with her childhood interest and now passion for Judaism. As you know, she officially became Jewish last year, but the conversion itself actually had little to do with the proposal.  As Rabbi Arnold Sleutelberg told her, she had already been a practicing Jew for over ten years.  From Bob’s perspective, it was the practice that was compatible, not the label.  He tells me that the conversion was part of a growing realization. A recognition that rather than being an albatross, commitment has significant benefits.  Similarly, after Bob and Mare joined Temple Beth Israel a just a few years ago and the spiritual quality of their lives improved well beyond their expectations.  Looking around, Bob could count the other organizations and events in his life and it was clear that those with commitment had the best rewards.  From a Jewish standpoint this is the adage “Choose Life so that you may live”.  We all can just drift by, but it really comes alive when you put more of yourself into everything you do.

Bob tells me that what was needed to “pop” the question finally had come together.  First, it was nice for the rest of the World to leave the decision to him.  He had wanted to propose for a long time… on his terms.  Also, because she had started a two-year master’s degree program, Maryann was unable to join him this year at the Wheatland Music Festival.  It just wasn’t the same.  Fortunately, the Reizners were all poised to go to France.

Now the challenge was to find a moment alone.  On September 27th the Louvre was open until 10:00 p.m. and they walked over on their own.  Mare became thirsty, so eventually they were seated at the museum’s Café’ on  the second floor balcony having San Peligrino water and an espresso.  The view was the Grand Courtyard with the I. M. Pei glass pyramid.  The sun was going down and the weather was excellent.   Bob got serious - (it does happen now and then).  He pled his case asking for her hand.and after the initial shock she said “yes”.  Go figure. 

The whole story is well beyond the scope of this column.  The lesson, however, is simple. When you realize you have something that good, embrace it. This is what makes you alive.

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