JEWISH HAIKU

 Her lips near my ear,
 Aunt Sadie whispers the name
 of her friend's disease.

 Looking for pink buds
 to prune, the old moyel
 wanders among his flowers.

 Today I am a man.
 Tomorrow I will return
 to the seventh grade.

 Harsh Scrabble discord--
 someone has placed "putzhead" on
 a triple word score.

 Testing the warm milk
 on her wrist, she sighs softly.
 But her son is forty.

 The sparkling blue sea
 reminds me to wait an hour
 after my sandwich.

 Tea ceremony--
 fragrant steam perfumes the air.
 Try the cheese danish.

 Lovely butterfly--
 not long ago your name was
 Caterpillarstein.

 A cat steals into
 the night just like my former
 partner, that gonif.

 Yom Kippur-- Forgive
 me, Lord, for the Mercedes
 and all that lobster.

 My nature journal --
 today, I saw some trees and birds.
 I should know the names?

 Like a bonsai tree,
 your terrible posture at
 my dinner table.

 Beyond Valium
 the peace of knowing one's child
 is an internist.

 Coroner's report --
 "The deceased, wearing no hat,
 caught his death of cold."

 The same kimono
 the top geishas are wearing:
 got it at Loehmann's.

 The sparrow brings home
 too many worms for her young.
 "Force yourself," she chirps.

 Jewish triathlon:
 gin rummy, then contract bridge,
 followed by a nap.

 The shivah visit:
 so sorry about your loss.
 Now back to my problems.

 Our youngest daughter,
 our most precious jewel.
 Hence the name, Tiffany.

 Seven-foot Jews in
 the NBA slam-dunking!
 My alarm clock rings.

 Concert of car horns
 as we debate the question
 of when to change lanes.

 Sorry I'm not home
 to take your call. At the tone
 please state your bad news

 Would-be convert lost--
 thawed Lender's Bagels made a
 bad first impression.

 Today, mild shvitzing.
 Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.
 Five-day forecast-feh

 Left the door open.
 for the Prophet Elijah.
 Now our cat is gone.

 Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.
 Shlemiel. Shlimazl. Tochis.
 Oy! To be fluent!

 Quietly murmured
 at Saturday services,
 Yanks 5, Red Sox 3.

 Lonely mantra of
 the Buddhist monk--"They never
 call, they never write."

 A lovely nose ring --
 excuse me while I put my
 head in the oven.

 Hard to tell under
 the lights--white Yarmulke or
 male-pattern baldness?